Determination: the example of “The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time”

I put aside my quest about the similarities Geeks, Nerds and Aspies have, to share a wonderful piece of Art that I read a few years ago, but could re-read again and again.

In fact, what Aspergers and Artists have in common is this thing we call – well of course, there is more than only one thing they have in common – but for today I’ll just focus on this great quality that we call: DETERMINATION.

Some people would rather use the word PASSION. But I always feel passion is a little bit over used. Some others would call it plain OBSESSION depending on how you feel about being so carryed away by a subject you can eat, sleep and talk about it for weeks without feeling bored or even imagining someone else could.

Depending on the angle you take, you can judge a person that have an obsession, like a Aspies could be judge by his peers (that’s all he talks about!) or you could be jumping right in with the person if it’s a subject that you also share. ( I guess you could say this about Geeks and Nerds too…. Not only Artists and Aspies, so we’ll come back about this…)

When an Asperger leaves behind his syndrome and becomes obsess with writing a book or making an invention, there isn’t any tag we feel like using anymore since it becomes a work of art. In fact, determination is what can drive anyone to finally get to do any project. Or get back up after falling. Or having the guts to ask for help to achieve a goal you wouldn’t be able to do alone. From knowing a few aspies myself, I am amaze to see that for many of them, it’s a gift they have. They have that along with their drive for a specific subject they get obsess with. The obsession can so well bloom with magnificence ( I am thinking about Albert Einstein here and Glenn Gould) And if a person – anyone surrounded well with support – have Determination , it’ll be a key role for the road they decide to take. They feel they HAVE to take.

One of my favorite example for determination is the first character of this wonderful british novel:

The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time

The story is written in the first-person perspective of Christopher John Francis Boone, a 15-year-old boy who describes himself as ‘a mathematician with some behavioural difficulties’.

REVIEW from AMAZONE:http://www.amazon.com/Curious-Incident-Dog-Night-Time-Novel/dp/0385509456

“Mark Haddon’s bitterly funny debut novel, The Curious Incident of the Dog in the Night-Time, is a murder mystery of sorts–one told by an autistic version of Adrian Mole. Fifteen-year-old Christopher John Francis Boone is mathematically gifted and socially hopeless, raised in a working-class home by parents who can barely cope with their child’s quirks. He takes everything that he sees (or is told) at face value, and is unable to sort out the strange behavior of his elders and peers.”

The book is beautifully written and the plot definetly keeps you on your toes. The principal character is very touching. bursting out “truthfull hunger”. Since the day I read this book,  I see the word “Determination” differently. Like a weird  mix of courageous, naiveness, passion, hunger for justice and a curse for never surrounding until ones feeling it’s right. Knowing deep down inside, there is no any other path than continuing on this mission you feel drives you to know more, to search deeper or to keep rehearsing  your piano partition.

Since this blog is about the future of the weird and real, I shure hope you get determination into your life, however weird your project or your dream might seem. Even when the task seems out of our range. Like Christopher Boone, the autistic 15-year-old narrator in the novel.

So now stop reading this blog and Go on! Read this book! 😉

Published in 2003 and in french in 2004, You can probably barrow it in a library in both languages. Here is a review in french:” Le Bizarre Incident du chien pendant la nuit” : http://www.voir.ca/publishing/article.aspx?zone=1&section=10&article=31348

Enjoy!

To be or not to be a ________ + – = ? post2

As I continue my research and reflections on the differences and similarities towards the words Geeks, Nerds and Aspies, I stumble upon the relations to identity and self-esteem.

I decided to dive into it for real by reading this amazing book on the subject : “L’estime de soi : S’aimer pour mieux vivre avec les autres (2001)” by Christophe André and Francois Lelord. ( translation: To love oneself to better live with others).

As I read more and more, I realize how much self-esteem relates to everything we do all day. And also how it flows even during the course of a day. Because self-esteem isn’t something fix.

For those who haven’t read my post1 on the subject, I was noticing that my son had a better self-esteem when he was defining himself as a GEEK then when he was identifying as a NERD. I was explaining that since he changed school (from preschool to high school), it permitted him to have another identity ( So he though…). The whole beginning of the year, he looked so happy to be the new “geek”of the school, knowing soooo many words that made others look up to him.

But soon enough, one nite, the NERD (or the ASPIE?) part of him popped back up and there he was, feeling miserable and crying: “Bouh…I suck mom, I am a nerd!”.

Was my heart broken? MMmmmm…Na. I know too well it’s only a cloud. Yes. you can be sad. because according to general knowledge ( in the new web land it is called Wikipedia!) a nerd isn’t something “cool”. In fact, a nerd is considerate… a looser.

THE WORD NERD ( I’ll come back with more crispy details about the word NERD in another post… )

So in Wikipedia a Nerd is: a term that refers to a person who avidly pursues intellectual activities, technical or scientific endeavors (…) It often carries a derogatory connotation. The stereotypical nerd is intelligent but socially and physically awkward. What I found very intriguing in this situation is that my son was only feeling sad because – for a moment – he felt different from all the others. If he would have been surrounded by other intellectual (wich happens sometimes!) he wouldn’t of called himself a nerd. He would have been just… himself. Passionate about some analysis or some new scientific discoveries and loving it.

So it seems pretty obvious that his self-esteem being low that day did not really have to do with being a nerd. But more so about being a nerd within others that are not. And if you feel low, being a nerd is… far from all the fame of the geek!

( I touch you) TAG! ( running fast and touching) NO, YOU TAG!

Thanks to a bit of time passing and careless daydreaming, I realize the problem about tagging….is the tag itself.  Because it is a stereotype. And stereotypes are only concepts. Not a person. Not an alive being. Since life is movement and when we stop moving we die, the principle of tagging people can only be harmful to each other, like if we kill a little each time we trow a target at someone else.

I say we stop tagging unless it’s a game, we know when it begins and when it ends. What do you think? Who wants to play?

Seriously. When we tag or label, we stop the mystery side of the person. But there is so much we don’t know about a single human being. Sometimes we can live with the same partner and keep learning news things about him or her over decades. So, how could it be possible to say this person is _______ .period? He or she is only one thing? And that thing would be in a box with a label…?

I have said it before and will repeat it again and again.

I am unique. Just like everybody else. And being oneself implies being many moving things. Not just one. Not fix.

Of course we use words to understand the world, but we can also use no word and not try to tag people. Let people be who they are. Knowing sometimes we change, sometimes we meet in particular context, get to know a particular side of a person… but there is a whole lot of unknown about him or her.

Ok, fine, maybe my son IS a nerd. Sometimes. For a minute. Or a second. And he is also many other things. And the more I get to know him, the more I feel he is… himself. That’s it. Wouln’t you say this about people you love and live with? Wouln’t be great to extend that respect to people we don’t know at all?

( Wow…I guess it’s the philosopher part of me that wrote THAT post! -)

-More on self-esteem and Aspies soon-

-More on Geeks and Nerds too…because we love them !-

Geeks, Nerds and Aspies + – = ? post1

It’s been so long I wrote on this blog. I finally today get to re-read the draft for this post and realize how much my thoughts have been scattered about this subject. And it’s been all over the place simply because I have been hearing the word “geek” and “nerd” being use for so many different purposes, It got me a polluted head. Not being able to nail down my words, they are changing so fast, blocked me from writing this post! Ha! Thanks to my friend Gina, that ounce told me we are only too perfectionist, I decide to slack my demanding level of adequacy, start writing and forgive myself  for having only an INTRO to the subject… Here I go.

THE WORD GEEK

The last 10 years are crown years for the word GEEK since it has entered castle of the cool pop culture. There is much to say about the changes in history and the etymological meaning for only that words, nonetheless all the other synonyms, it will need more than one post for shure.

As I live with and is a mom of an Aspie, I observe my own son relate to his identity and to the tags. He has been tagged being a nerd and in the last years, he has been tagged an Aspie also. This year, he changed school and decided to not tell his fellow friends about any of his diagnosis to let himself have a new identity. What grew right from the start was the geek part of him and he become more and more proud about his difference being one relating to science and knowledgeable in the techno world. and there I was noticing is self-esteem rise.

There’s more to his changes then only this terminology switch since I also see links to proudness and self-esteem. There is a social shift that happen with the rise of computer land.  An article from Wired magazine also got me thinking about the relations between Aspergers, Geeks and technologies. I invite you to read it. Titled THE GEEK SYNDROME.

Socially, that word has grown in meanings from being weak to smart, out to  hype, reject to famous. If you look up the definition from Wikipedia :http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geek You see the formal growth and the many branches, starting with a re-appropriation in a proud way from those who has been called and – laugh at – a geek from others.

Re-appropriation is always a powerful action and a realization you can yourself tag and manipulate that signification of the tag itself. So a young boy could have been a “reject” at preschool and then in highschool performing great marks and becoming the guy who helps is fellow friends. If before he sobbed about being called a nerd, he nows gets his chin back up by saying…. “that’s right! I am a nerd, but a nerd is also a geek! and…. proud to be!”

There is also more to the question of “+ – =? ” being observed with kids calling themself geeks left and right and wearing glasses that use to make nerds be so rejected….What happen? As often, history helps us to give back to Ceaser what belongs to Ceaser. And in this geek, nerd, computer ruling world, Ceaser is called Bill Gates, Steve Wozniak, Steve Jobs and some other now famous personalities.

So there is a social link to be made with the new venues of technologies, having an effect on the everyday life of common population. And not just socially, family too. Relations to members of family that could have been rejected before now become heroes since they can understand the computers. Generale population started to NEED a nerd. A geek. Or an Aspie…

The idea I want to introduce connects to a few other ideas and I promise to post on this subject again. Since Bill Gates was diagnosed Asperger, but he doesn’t relate in an” identity way” to it. Since he was responsible for making computer enter our homes. And since many Aspies out there were not -for many years- diagnosed and were labelled nerds… more connections are to be made between Geeks, Nerds and Aspies.

…Notice how theses different lists have some of the same names?

Famous Aspergers, Famous Nerds, Noteworthy people on the autism spectrum, 26 Geek Heroes

THIS IS NOT A CONCLUSION ( …more post to come…)

… since nerds kids have been so many times beat up in school court. For the sake of the healing and the swing back of justice, and like my friend Stephane said to me this morning: ” Geeks and Nerds can be Kings and Queens for a few eras…they have been suffering for the opposite for so many years! …let them rule for a bit.” And that’s exactly what’s happening…

Great readings for more exchanges on the subject: Geek culture- The 3rd Counter-Culture

-TO BE CONTINUED-

Mary, Ben X and (many) Max

There are a few films that are related to the Asperger Syndrome. And it’s always interesting to see how it is portrayed. What effect it has on people who have the Syndrome, if they related or not and if the family members recognise what they also live in the characters in the films.

The very first one I heard of was  BenX . Have you seen it?

It was just starting to be screened in my city that week and it was also just about a few months after I received the diagnosis.

It was the morning and I was driving my car listening to the radio. The host was interviewing the belgium filmmaker Nic Balthazar who was doing his promotional tour for his first feature film. He talked about it in many ways, then started saying it was from a true story: a young man, Asperger, throwing himself a window from a top floor one night because he was being bullied at his school pension.

I had to stop my car.

I listen carefully to the rest of his interview but was too imerse by my emotions. Tears were rolling down my cheeks and It’s all troubled that I was able to start the car again and finally get myself to work, my head full of fears.

Is it that often, that Aspies are bullied? How many suicide as teens for it? Will my child get over his teenager years ? Without being so miserable?

It took a few days. And research. And some truth of that harshness also.

But thank god it did not take that long that my emotions turned arround. And … I was not going to let that happen. All the documents I had read about the seriousness of that reality did not stop me from telling my self I would do everything possible in the world to get actions towards courage, confident and lucidity. and help my son do to the same.

So without having seen the film, it was already a motor for action and an awareness moment in my life. It shocked me but it woke me also. Everyone arround me was seeing the film. But for me it was too dramatic. I was scared and asked my mother – that saw it 3 times – to tell me every bit of the story so I could have no bad surprise when – If I dare – finally see it.

It was 2 years ago and the other day my son and I were at the video store looking to rent a film. BenX was screening on the TVs and we accidentally saw some images. It was a scene were some boys were terrifying the young man. I know it is not the only scene and the ending if a beautiful moment…But still today, I am scared to see it … And to accidentally see this scene did not help!

In order to tame my desire and my curiosity I rented another one.

Just to get closer and familiar. And my son watch it with me. It is an animated film called: Mary and Max.

It is very touching. Still a bit hard to swallow at times. Not because it is Asperger related. Plainly because it was a good art piece!

And the funny thing about it? My son did not recognise himself at all in the man!

Is there as many types of Aspies as there are specific characteristics ?

Both films I suggest if you haven’t seen. Would love to read your comments about them too.

… And If I finally get the courage to watch BenX…? I will be able to say like the mantra of the film… COURAGE IS EVERYTHING!

Definitions…?

Definitions.

My best short definition to this day was said by my son to his class mates:

“It’s like if you all think like a PC.

and i think like a MAC ( or the other way arround)…”

In fact there are as many definitions as there are people with the Asperger Syndrome. And besides, at the moment it is called Asperger because of Hans Asperger. But maybe in a few years we will have another name.

Or MANY other names.

I say this with much confident because there are still many nuanced areas that don’t apply with the idea made in 1944. My son was diagnosed with the Syndrome and has been going to regular school. It seems that he has the Syndrome but not severely. And sometimes it makes it even harder to understand his differences since sometimes he seems ” normal” and sometimes he is so obviously living life differently than me, a neurotypical.

Also, some of the things we read about the syndrome don’t apply to him. Or if they did, from the years and with learning he changed. Like looking at someone in the eyes. He doesn’t like looking at people in the eyes, directly. But you can hardly tell if you know him. Because he is fine with looking straight in the eyes of is family and closes ones. ( when I was younger I remember people saying you can see someone’s soul if you look at them in the eyes and many actors on shooting sets asks that the crew do NOT look at them in the eyes…Interesting, No?)

So what makes him particular? So many things that I started a blog about it! -) And I will continue my questions about how it is define and how it needs some refreshment. Thanks to many people who are Aspis that are telling us how they see the world, we will be able to better understand the definitions and the different variations we need to make even within the Syndrome.

Here is what Wikipedia says:

“Asperger syndrome is an autism spectrum disorder, and people with it therefore show significant difficulties in social interaction, along with restricted and repetitive patterns of behavior and interests”.

But let’s take a look at history to better see where it is at now…. shall we?

1943 Kanner published his first account of the syndrome he called early infantile autism.

1944 Hans Asperger made discoveries of specific behaviors different from others of the time….But back then they were not able to tag it. 

It is only in 1981 that Norma Wing started to make more substantial nuances in her book: ASPERGER SYNDROME A CLINICAL ACCOUNT .

…at the moment in 2010, it is known as a neurodevelopmental disorders. And the base of the diagnosis is the DSM IV Diagnostic Criteria for 299.80 is still from 1994:

Asperger Syndrome (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorder, Fourth edition, American Psychological Association, Washington, D.C., 1994) are:
A) Severe and sustained impairment in social interaction
B) The development of restricted repetitive patterns of behavior, interests and activities.
C) The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.
D) There is no clinically significant impairment in general delay in language.
E) There is no clinically significant delay in cognitive development or in the development of age appropriate self-help skills, adaptive behaviors.
F) Criteria are not met for another specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder or Schizophrenia.

—–

…hummm….Pretty shallow definition no? So I though too… Thanks to my dear friend Julie, that gave me this book about 2 days after I received the Hospital Diagnosis: Freaks, Geeks, and Asperger Syndrome’: A User Guide to Adolescence by Luke Jackson I got more definition from an Aspi himself. That book helped me much better understand the Asperger’s Syndrome than anyone from the medical surrending…I later discovered many other definitions from the web and other books that I will share soon…

And some of the definitions call it a STATE and NOT a Disorder like does the DSM IV…Definitly to be continued…

Celebrities With Asperger’s Syndrome, and High Functioning Autism

When you don’t know something and you want to know more about it, you start to research.

And you want to know who else out there is like you. We all do that. And we also need to look up to others we can admire.

If there is one thing an Asperger or anyone on the Autism Spectrum will feel… is a bit by himself.

He might be happy to be alone. But not always. And certainly not when he feels rejected.

So, I found this page on facebook that made my son and myself feel much better about being different. And that made him feel he wanted to be “like him” for many names on the list.

Doesn’t mean all Aspergers would be a next leader or a genius or come up with world peace recipes. But, can’t one be proud? And don’t start tagging  Asperger = Genius. He or She doesn’t need it and if he or she is, you will know soon enough 😉

Read theses names out loud and look at how they helped the world. Give yourself a boost if you have been labelled “different” in any way.

And if not, just read the list and think about what normal and different means to you. Don’t be sceptical (like how can you tell Asimov was an Aspi because back then they did not tag it that way…). Just think about how this person could have been NOT so “normal” in a daily life. And think about how you judge  who is not “normal”  arround you today.

Some of the Celebrities With Asperger’s Syndrome, and High Functioning Autism:

Peter Howson, Luke Jackson, Heather Kuzmich, Virginia Woolf, William Shakespeare, Hans Christian Anderson, Goethe, Isaac Asimov, Craig Nicholls, Gary Numan, Tim Page, Dawn Prince-Hughes, Vernon L. Smith, Satoshi Tajiri, Raymond Thompson, Liane Holliday Willey, Michelle Dawson, Temple Grandin, Caiseal Mor, Hikari Oe, Dylan Scott Pierce, Jim Sinclair, Amanda Baggs, Lucy Blackman, Alonzo Clemons, Tony DeBlois, Christopher Knowles,Leslie Lemke, Jonathan Lerman, Jason McElwain, Thristan Mendoza, Tito Mukhopadhyay, Derek Paravicini, Kim Peek, James Henry Pullen, Matt Savage, Birger Sellin, Henriett Seth, Daniel Tammet, Richard Wawro, Stephen Wiltshire, Napoleon Bonaparte, George Washington, John Quincy Adams, Andrew Jackson, Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, William Taft, Harry Truman, Ludwig Van Beethoven, Elvis Presley, Peter the Great, Wilhelm II, Alexander the Great, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Jeremy Bentham, Socrates, Henry Ford, Bill Gates, Robin Williams, Tom Hanks, Marilyn Monroe, Clark Gable, Charles Dickinson, Jane Austen, Béla Bartók, Ludwig van Beethoven, Anton Bruckner, Henry Cavendish, Emily Dickinson, Thomas Edison, Albert Einstein, Kaspar Hauser, Oliver Heaviside, Thomas Jefferson, Carl Jung, Franz Kafka, Wasily Kandinsky, H P Lovecraft, Ludwig II, 1845-1886, King of Bavaria, Charles Rennie Mackintosh, Gustav Mahler, Friedrich Nietzsche, Bertrand Russell, George Bernard Shaw, Richard Strauss, Nikola Tesla, Henry Thoreau, Alan Turing, Mark Twain, Vincent Van Gogh, Ludwig Wittgenstein, Isaac Asimov, Hans Asperger, John Denver, Glenn Gould, Jim Henson, Alfred Hitchcock, Howard Hughes, Andy Kaufman, L S Lowry, Charles Schulz, Andy Warhol, Woody Allen, Tony Bennett, Bob Dylan, Joseph Erber, Bobby Fischer, Bill Gates, Al Gore, Jeff Greenfield, David Helfgott, Garrison Keillor, John Motson, John Nash, Keith Olbermann, Michael Palin, Keanu Reeves, Oliver Sacks, James Taylor… And you can add many more…

They might not actually have that exact diagnostic… Bet were they judge for being weird? How real is their contribution to the world?

List from the facebook page:http://www.facebook.com/?sk=messages&tid=1400989670148#!/group.php?gid=16490500293&v=wall

I also Found this site : Famous People with Asperger Syndrome or Similar Autistic Traits http://www.asperger-syndrome.me.uk/people.htm

Tool #1: when you are a parent receiving a diagnose

Ounce you have a diagnostic you need some tools. Because you can’t do it alone. And it’s going to be a process and take time. You need to understand how your child lives it and what are his own specificity wich changes from an Asperger to another. And he needs that too!

The very first tool that helped me and my son get some parameters about what the diagnostic was:

Asperger, What Does it Mean to Me? by Catherine Faherty. We used the french version: “Asperger, Qu’est-ce que c’est pour moi? ” and it seems to be a good translation.

The very first thing to think about is how you are introducing this book to your child. Take your time.

Is he too young? Maybe. Was his day already full of stuff to cope with? Wait a bit… or a few years, if so. But if he or she is old enough to be told the diagnostic, this book will be very useful. It is an exercise book that your child or yourself can read and write as wish.

We started the ritual with reading one page before reading a story, wich we did every night after toothbrushes and pyjamas.

If he did not want to do the book one night, I let him not do it. I didn’t force it. I let it go.

Then we would only read the story.

Sometimes I would let pass a few days or a week before bringing up the book again. While getting ready for the book story reading, a pen in hand I would say: “You choose a chapter? Open the book anywhere” or…”do you want this chapter or finishing this one you stared…?”  and he would choose and we would do that chapter together. By the end he wanted to read and filled the book himself. I would just sit next to him. (The order of filling the book isn’t important…Him recognizing himself in it and circling what is true for him or not is definitely the point and what ever path, order or way to get there is the right one! )

Getting to understand how he or she or you are different can be complex. And even what happen in the day before can change the possibility to accept new information. There is no speed to incorporate information and to read a book, especially an exercise book! The recognition of your identity is precious. Respect the rhythm. Go with the flow. Take your time… And ounce in a while… sing the beatles song: “Let it be”! 🙂

Here is a direct link to buy it.

It also has a review of the book and words about the author.

Plus, it comes from a great website to visit:

http://autismawarenesscentre.com/booksproducts/autism?page=shop.product_details&flypage=flypage_aaci_books.tpl&product_id=322&category_id=1

Share foward

the future of the weird and real blog is a place to share anything and everything that concerns the Asperger Syndrome and all other thoughts connected to it.

It is so still unknown and not well understood that a place to reflect and learn can only help us look towards the future and feel at home with it all in the respect of the differences.

After all, isn’t true that what’s weird today is what’s real tomorrow ?

…Not so long ago ( 500 years), Galileo got burned because he was saying the earth wasn’t flat but round. What is so weird it’s unacceptable to us today and shall be proofed in 500 years?

Some say an Asperger near you could give you some clues…